Monday, October 16, 2006

The Becalmed in Me..Finally

If all days would only be as peaceful and calm as today! Well, why not eh?! I felt like I was “in control” of every tic tac moment…No, not the in control like wanting to manipulate circumstances or people…But the “in control” that holds a sense of knowing what to do…like not freaking out inside…..no anxiety…..a possessing of calmness from within…becalmed.

Having decided to let go of a lot of cobwebby’ baggage in my mind did this to me. Plus the inspiration of accepting that I have outgrown some beliefs I used to own…releasing of fear from wanting and needing to belong to a person….to a group…to a community…..to the status quo…Just determined to never again let individuals or events determine my line of thought, my actions and even my emotion…I finally feel free at last…

And with this decision came the inspiration to honestly look at myself…the me inside the me…like observing outside the box….the inner self seeing my outer self and saying it’s okay….I understand…..things will work out…you will make it….you are special…..you will live your purpose….you won’t fail…

So I tried my best to live purposefully today…up to this moment…..and up to the moment I turn out the lights tonight….a kind of meditative living..trying to be conscious of each event…of each thought…no matter how trivial…how mundane…how routine and plain it is to the world. It wasn’t easy….but I tried my best….I smiled more often…greeted someone a happy birthday…..shared a couple of sandwiches…hugged someone…hugged my dog too…settled an argument between a group of five year olds…spoke to a teenager having problems…taught adverbial phrases…taught Homer too….And later…to prep dinner…to hug my hubz’…tuck in the boys….and finally…sip a glass of wine.

I guess….for the first time in a long…long time…I’m allowing myself….to sincerely tell myself….

I did well.

10 comments:

Hannelie said...

Can you see my smilling? I am so proud of you! Catch! A hug just came via cyber space. Got it?

Aunty Belle said...

Livin' purposely--youse right, sweet chile'...and to know the inner person--this takes some dedication, I would like ter come sit a spell wif' ya, youse so...real.

Like yore new look--had the same tmeplate fer the FRONT Porch, but--hey, must be a timer fer change, cause I jes' changed the Front Porch look. Thanky fer ya visit too.

Anonymous said...

It's nice to know a friend, on the other side of the world- had the same kind of day that I'm striving for~
So far, so good :)
Hugs to you! :)

schaumi said...

luxie,

you've probably always done well on almost any given day. granted we all have our off days.....but who wants to talk about those? the maturity and growth within a person comes when one realizes that one has done well instead of always berating what one has not been able to accomplish.

X. Dell said...

That's what it's all about, isn't it?

Lady Lux said...

ello' everyone...nice to see you all!

Schaumi...ow' thanks!.hugz to you...I always question myself..feel like I'm not doing enough..I love what you said..maturity...maturity..at last..that word would suit me...

Mayden:..glad I found your bloggy again!..yes..yes...we both seem to live a parallel life...

Aunty Bell:..yep' I saw the template change too..I love reading up..sitting at your porch...like home..yep'..like being with a real aunt..

hanellie...ow'..thanks!!!..I'm catching the hug..feeling..feeling it!!!..:)))

Lady Lux said...

X DEll:..I'm gonna' figure out the music link..and yes..this is what it's all about...:))

snowsparkle said...

lux, thanks for visiting my blog so i could find yours! what you wrote here is almost exactly what i'm working on right now too... mind you, i'm 14 years older than you are, so you're waaaaay ahead of me in figuring things out. good for you! keep going! lead the way!

also, i cracked up at your post about the fake butt... thanks, i needed that today!!!

Anonymous said...

It is what it is all about and I agree it comes with maturity that you can see an even less perfect outcome as a step in the right direction... but why is it that some days it is sooooooo hard to tell yourself that and others it is like the lightbulb turns on and you can see clearly?

Lady Lux said...

Snosparkle: Welcome!..glad to have made you laugh a bit..and I am soooo striving to be "becalmed" everyday...It is gravely difficult considering the number of circumstances that can just rub you off the wrong way...little scenes that weigh down and drag you back to being frantic...sigh!..I would have to blog about something drastically unsettling...

Kate: I hope to hop on your bloggy' later for a cool read...days of less pefect outcome are more of the norm for me...gosh...how I wish I could sleep each and every night without even a tinge of worry that I have to do this..and tat needs to be done tomorrow..or I should have done that..or drats..why didn't I do this instead of that...I'm trying..trying..trying...though..just trying...yah'..