Wednesday, January 16, 2008

My Bleedy Thorny Souly

Apprehension, slight but pressing, oogles my heart when I aim to write here. What more would I have to say? How do I say it? Do I dare bore my sweet bloggy' dearie friends with mundane personal ramblings of how my spirit has been feeling as of late? My life is not unique. My cares are not earth shaking. In fact, a great molehill of them has been my creative doing. Do I dare scribble the tiny measly dusty doubts that stubbornly settle in my inner space?...Am I not supposed to be Lux...light persona?

There was a time when I believed myself strong. A younger me that looked onto the morrow with starry mist eyes of optimism. Of late I have found myself questioning...."What if there is no tomorrow?".....

To tell you the honest truth, in between these rare and precious outa' town honeymooney lazy lounging days of sunbathing, my Hubz and I do nothing else but dramatically battle and war with every mortar enemy the season is viciously hurling us. Admittedly, my idea of combat is to fret and whine and look totally startled, most often with such dazzling majesty that I amaze even myself.

Why just a while ago, I went outside in this beautiful drizzly morning to check on my plants. Lo' and behold....both newly bought red flowery shrubs, still in their potter plastics have all but wilted. My basil too! I stood there staring at them...disbelieving what I was seeing. "Can nothing at all go right?" I breathed inward.

Ah'...but my bleedy thorny Luxie souly is still thankful...sniff! And oh' yes....I know..I know...
( sniff!..sniff! ) If I only quit acting like a stubborn candy cane deprived five year old ( sniff!) then perhaps I can clearly appreciate the lessons life is obviously, desperately, ragingly teaching me.....Maybe I'll even learn (?) a thing or two.


So you see bloggy soul mates....Sowwy'..if it takes me quite sometime to come visiting lately...Luxie is in an inner fix...I'm taking each day and each moment as it comes though...And writing here..right now.... reminds me lovingly to always be aware of the blessings I possess...which I usually conveniently forget, once life's heavy artilleries come crashing through the walls of my days.

My love to you all.

8 comments:

..................... said...

luxie,
i've been reading through the lines..
i know, i know..
beleeeeeeaaaaaaaaaave me i know...
xo

Mayden' s Voyage said...

Friend...
you have taken the words right out of my heart~
love to you too.
I will write again soon- but not before next week.
Thinking of you~

X. Dell said...

Forget reading between the lines. I'm trying to read through the dots.

We all think we're stronger than we are, when we're young. It's because we have yet to discover our limitations.

To paraphrase my grandmother, God doesn't promise any of us tomorrow. Yet, most of us have faith that we will see it.

We also have faith that you will see it too.

alison said...

sending all rainbow love your way!

Mirror Me said...

dahling, im goin 2 say d same thing u've been tellin me over & over again..."let it out, take control & love urself" ;p
lotsa hugs & kisses road sista ;p

Gillian @ Indigo Blue said...

Hey Lux
Hang in there sweetpea. I feel your pain!
Things must go back up once they hit far down.
You'll find your mojo again!!!
xo
Gillian

Aunty Belle said...

Why,Sugar Pie, youse right to jes' lay low fer a spell and git your inner fix, yore inner soul aligned.

Amber said...

I really understand exactly what you mean, Luxie! And to top it off, I went outside to water my newly-planted flowers in pots only to find that the *$*% rabbits had chewed them down to sticks in the pots! So how 'bout throwing those mortars my way so I can use 'em on the bunnies? LOL Seriously...I've got to create a rabbit-proof fence. And for what it's worth...I love your mundane blogs. That's really what life's about...the accumulation of normal days, isn't it?