Sunday, May 28, 2006

Portal Relations'


Today I read a bloggy’ that regretfully, had to fold. The author was a woman from Australia. Her blog had a familiar ring to my ears being named after the wife of a former dictator of my country who had an insatiable fetish for shoes ( the wife….not the dictator!....but then again, who really knows?) .

It wasn’t like the lady completely shacked blogging…but she did have to drastically change her site and to resort to deleting a great many thought revealing posts from her archive that seemed to have been the cauldron that simmered her smoldering trouble..

According to this bloggy’ lady…she had been volcanically pouring her innermost thoughts, her dilemmas, and certain circumstances surrounding her person, when soon enough, she found herself immersed in the most unfortunate awkward spewing scenario.

As I understand it, some bloggy readers started thrashing her, the decisions she make, and the way she lives her life as a whole. This aggravated to the point wherein her identity was mercilessly scoured and unceremoniously splattered on screen…I could not fully weave the exact details or reason of how all these eruptions came about….but simply put…she found herself in a painfully exposed ring of fire.

Which brought back to mind the fair Mayden’s questioning post on how much of ourselves ( backstage – front stage ) are truly “us” when we plant ourselves in this portion of cyber space.

Thing is…I can show a smile…I can show an eye…I can show a toe…I can show an ear……I can show my two front teeth….I can show my hands…my legs…thighs…my breasts…my whole boooody BUUUUT…..( sipping a cup of coffee here and biting into a cheese croissant..)

……but it is presumptuous to assume that THAT is the whole of me…(!)…ummm…right?...... ( btw…I have no intention - yet - of showing anything that shouldn’t decently show….he! he!.....specially my toes! )

I cannot likewise, blunderingly assume that your net personality is the entirety of you….What we get is merely a thin voyeuristic ( excuse the word) slice of peeping into each others inner sanctum in a cyber perceptive sort of way…but never fully….never completely…..

AND…No matter how much you say…or willingly reveal…or how much I read you, I cannot uncover the full amazing maze of who you are….as there are many twining labyrinths of “me”…you can never traverse.

Why?......well ( thinking here…) because I don’t want you to get lost…and …the undisclosed me…makes me…ME…and the unrevealed you makes you…irresistibly YOU ( yeehah!!). That is why we read each other…and connect….not everyone has the capacity to appreciate or much less enjoy this enigmatic sort of relationship….but we all do…

do you read me?.....

appreciate each other….

appreciate….

yes, I can taste that word……

…..you are there……I am here… sweet interesting prismed beings with birthing personalities we all are…clinched in a relationship of webbed portal links….

….relationships…

I wonder then…what blogosphere actually makes of me ….having read so much of my thoughts…both senseless, crude, strange, boring, wanting….and…mundane…here in my narcissistic slice of blogorama’..loaded with ….

perceptions… paradigms…coffee ..croissants…and …tropical smiles for you…..



("Odalisque" painting by Matisse borrowed from the Art Palazo)

13 comments:

Mayden's Voyage said...

Friend...because in my heart that is how I think of you :), in tangible life when my friends get sick or need help--I do a number of things for them--bake cookies, fix a meal, send cards, knit a baby blanket, whatever. I can not reach YOU. Many other people I am friends with in bloggy world--I can not reach them either.
There is one blog friend who I have emailed and vice versa, and they are dreadfully ill, in a life threatening way. It makes me so sad, so heartbroken, that as much as I care for this person...I can do nothing for them or their family. Except pray--which I have been doing. In a way, it's worse to have these friends we can not TOUCH, except with our words...and yet, a gift too, because the burden of showing care through an act of service is not even possible. "Appreciate", yes, it's a yummy word, with a lot of flavor. Not just sweet, but contains many things. Some bloggers I Appreciate more than others...some are just for fun, some are more. I know the same is true of me, some come just for fun, and others I connect with. The connection has as much to do with what I share as it does with what you HEAR...and how easily one sees themselves in me, or you.
Transmission and Reception...what you say and what I hear in these "Portal Relations" have equal value--I think :)

snowsparkle said...

"you are there……I am here… sweet interesting prismed beings with birthing personalities we all are…clinched in a relationship of webbed portal links"

dear luxlucisvita, you and your words are exactly what keep me blogging despite my unbidden moments of fear and paranoia. the beauty and faith in your presence here is encouragement to us less bold and fearless. thank you!

X. Dell said...

I have to admit, Lus, Cora, that despite the coldness of the binary code in which we communicate, there is something of you both that's quite real to me. Virtually all of the people that I've encountered online have stoked feelings of friendship and togethernes with the rather small circle of writers that I reguarly read.

It doesn't surprise me that if someone is different, like Lux's friend in Australia, then the community from which she seeks support actually rebukes her--just as it often occurs in meatspace.

If your friend communicates with you further, send her my best wishes.

Mayden's Voyage said...

Prism...I wonder how much of myself I reveal to the people I interact with everyday.
It is harder to hide my feelings face to face, but I know some people who are pretty good at it.

X, I feel the same way about you and your blog...it feels REAL because you are real--meaning that your blog is not "Just for Show". I'm sure we have all stumbled into one of those..."Hey, look at me!!!" blogs :) Those are fine, but don't hold my attention for very long.
In general I want to read about who you are, from your perspective, and be drawn in by that...by your words, and thoughts and by what interests you. If there is a connection-then I come back, if not--well, you know :)

kate said...

great post!

Ok here are some of my thoughts on the topic:

1. Connections. I think we who blog are searching for them here. I think that we are diverse for sure but we all share that desire to connect. To find people who are either like minded or have similar situations and feel what we feel (perhaps having some insights and answers to help us along out path of discovery) Or we connect with people who entertain, support or educate us in this semi personal setting.

2. How much of this is the real you? I think that in many ways this is more the real me than most people see in real life. I have no reason not to tell you what I think and feel. I think there are folks that take that to an extreme, but there are always 'those' kind of people everywhere. As far as if other people are who they seem to be... idk and really it doesnt matter to me. In reality do we ever know the entire person? That would be assuming that each of us knew ourselves totally... I dont believe that.

3. Exposed. I think that we all run the risk of being found by people in our real lives. I have shared things here that would rock my little village if it were out there, but there is something really exciting about that too. I posted once that it reminded me of flashing. It has become terribly important to me to be able to share my deep dark secrets and thoughts. It is such great outlet for me. They may not be ready to hear them in real life (irl) but here in blogland I am feeling pretty normal! lol I am able to take that mask I wear off for just a moment and write what I feel not what I think I have to write (although I do get sucked into doing that sometimes too...)

4. Diversity. For me I love the diversity here. I love having male and female discussions that wouldnt be able to occur irl (its that can men and women be just friends thing) I love that your blog is "senseless, crude, strange, boring, wanting….and…mundane… It keeps it fresh and real. It keeps me coming in and checking on you because you are interesting. I agree with Mayden here too, that there are some blogs that I visit for the fluff and others for the connection... they both fill a need.


Sorry I wrote a book here YIKES!!!lol

Lady Lux said...

Mayden:

How deeply moving your response is. Somebody very close to me once said that I Ilve in a world of bubbles...I look at things in a fantasy sort of way...I look at people and create what I want to see...I put color in everything this...and the ugly I try to dust and repaint....

Somehow, I was beginning to believe all these were true....that I imagine things that aren't really there...like friendships that don't really exist...except in my mind....

It meant a lot to me...what you said here....

Snowsparkle:

wow!...thank you for what you said..."beauty and faith"....

I wish I could truly be more of an encouragement.

X.Dell:

supremely incognito...that's what you are...

but even so...I have created your personality in my mind....It would be most interesting to know you in "meatspace.."....but ofcourse that is not my realm....

and just like you said...there is somehing....something....something in you that is quite real...to me.

Kate:

I find it supremely brave of you to really paint in words what you find heartwarming, funny, and down right confusing in your everyday life. You write things as they are...without hesitation...I do hesitate...sometimes...

schaumi said...

First I blogged for myself to get a few things 'off my chest'. Then I blogged for my children. They don't read my blog, but many of my posts are about past memories and current incidents that while kind of maddening at the time are funny when read about or told later. I save these posts. Then I started to read other blogs and discovered the wonderful complex minds that inhabit the cyberworld. I feel a connection to each blogger I blog with. You are 'cyber' friends, but at the same time I also understand that you can disappear into cyberspace if you decide not to blog anymore....
but then I will have the memory of having known an interesting person, even if it is only through writing online.

schaumi said...

ps: I'm sorry your friend has encountered an unsupportive community.
I consider myself blessed with the supportive group of folks I've met online.

butterflygirl said...

Although we may not fully know one another here in bloggy land, I do feel some kind of connection to so many.

Great post.

Lady Lux said...

schaumi:
awww...schaumi...how wonderfully said!!!

Butterfly girl:

same here!!same connection!

Tikka Masala said...

You are being mostly wise in not showing your toes good lady Luxlucisvita, mostly wise indeed.

Also I am with you agreeing that to disclose too much of our own innerness would be an activity that displays much risk, much risk indeed.

Blessings of Unyun, the multilayered Goddess of inner secrets and outer tears be upon you.

Lady Lux said...

O' thank you for thinking m wise dearest princess!..It is nice to hear from you...

blessings to you from the god of....of....of...

( what god do you want??)

disguised said...

I love your writing--it reminds me of Nadine Gordimer in "July's People"--little bits of pointilist scenes, standing back from which, one can get an impression. So, from you, I get an impression--but an impression is never the real thing, and a point in time is never static. This is how I feel about my blog. There are many parts of me that aren't there, but what is there is very real.