Monday, September 25, 2006

Butts Off!!


I bought a fake BUTT today!....

No kidding!...
I bought it in school.....
Now before you go thinking I'm going through a hellish phase of vain mid life nearing the 40 angst blues...which I probably am'.....I would like to assure you that in this instance, I bought the "bogus butt" ( ass......) for a pure... good and worthy cause!...yep!...I feel sooo...just...fulfilled!...
There's this mom you see...She comes in every morning with her Avon and Sara Lee brochures. The other teachers always get something from her......I never do....
Welp' this morning...they were all kinda' like ogling and gigling at something silicony this Sara Avon mom was handling.....I was just gonna' walk right past them when Sonia took hold ov' me and said.." Hey you!....seen anything like this before?!..." So I go, " duh'...in Greenhills no...they have those stick on silicone boobs....tried one that glows in the dark!..."
At this point Sonia waves a flabby something at me...and viola...gasp I went...faaake butt!... shucks Sonia...have some self- respect! noh!!!.....I mean, what's your boyfirend gonna' say when your like in...the heat of pazzzioooon and you slowly roll off your underwear...only this time your flesh comes peeling off as well!!...like hah!...yo'...how do you explain that no??? ...( at this point everyone starts collapsing in tears...)
Ok..to make a long story short..turns out this mom needed extra cash badly....her son's tuition fee was overdue and the kid wouldn't be able to take a make up exam unless she shelled out cash in about an hour...So there I was...um' eherm'....coerced ( he!he!)....to consider the possibilities of a more...um' prominent silicony behind......and...yep'...I did!...All for a worthy coz...
I'm wearing it right now...all squishy and woogly feeling....I must admit...it did give me a bit of a...boost?...so to speak...And yah'...I intend to parade myself in front ov' me Hubz' to see if he'll notice..any...levitating arse.....nya! he!he!....I do not...however intend...to peel off anything that I'm wearing... in this condition... tonight!

15 comments:

SJ said...

But.. but... how did you ever... but... ok...but... silicon?...but...whatever!

chandra said...

Lux,

many thanks for your very kind and encouraging comment on my blog/art. i am humbled. i am moved. i shall keep coming back to you for inspiration. keep in touch thru blog, or mail : chandranagi@gmail.com

warm wishes

chandra

Anonymous said...

hmmmm ... a fake butt, eh?

ok.

enjoy! let's see if he notices anythings' different ... :D

Mayden's Voyage said...

LOL-LOL-LOL!

THANK YOU! I laughed until there were tears running down my face- hubby ran in to see what was the matter!
I needed this today! :)
Wonderful!!! :)

Aunty Belle said...

Me too, Lux Luci--laughed and laughed! Funniest thang I'se read/heard all month.

But when youse describin' sittin' on that thang, I am howling--why it must be kin ter these dern fancy tennis shoes I'se wearin' feels like walkin' on tennis balls...does ya feel as if youse sittin' on tennis balls?

We'uns all want a report on what Hubz said.

Aunty Belle said...

P.S.,,,,mayhap Aunty would have a few pops too afore I'd parade around in a levitatin' butt rig.

schaumi said...

SNORT, CHORTLE, GUFFAW!

photos puleeeze!

oh, the sacrifices one makes for charity..

Lady Lux said...

SJ:...seems like you're havin' a hard time visualizing zee' silicony thing..nye!he!he!..it's like two butt shaped kinda' skin looking wobbly squishy something you just wipe up and stick to your buttocks...yeah'...this is about the most ridiculous thing I've ever tried on in my life...

Chandra:..oh' thank you as well....ah' err...inspiration(?!)..he!he!...I am the one who is most humbled...

Mayden:...We may be oceans apart buuuut....have faith!..Someday I will be able to show this most treasured possession to you!..hee!hee!hee!

Aunty...yes ma'am!...It does feel like sittin' on balls...um' tennis balls...he!he!he!...The Hubz' ( rolling eyes here!)...seemed to be visually impaired...like so I walk pass him...and walk pass him ( again) in my short shorts till he said..." why are you smiling that way?...what do you want?!"...

SO I go..."notice anything?"...and he goes..."your hair...?"..and I hiss...MY BUTT!!!...LOOK AT MY BUTT!....SQUEEZE MY BUTT!!!...

So he wears this puzzled look and squeezes my butt..and asks " what's wrong with it?"...

So I take the dang shorts off and show him and he stares incredulously and asks..."what other parts of you are fake?!"

Schaumi:...yeah...sigh!...gawd!...I was contemplating on wearing the thing to school this morning...nye he!he!...don' worry..I didn't!!

o...owww'..itz' raining eal hard and I'm here in a cyber...shoosh!...have fun people!

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

howwwwwwl. too funny luxious. i have wondered about these things myself, how does one react at the "moment of truth" when the lady starts pulling off fake hairpieces, eyelashes, boobs stuffed into gel packed bras, and now this? ...and when she's finished getting undressed you end up with your 9th grade gym coach.

this is one nutty world. girls starving themselves into the shape of adolescent boys and then packing on a gel arse.

funny grrrrrrrrrl.

/grr

Gary said...

I don't care how desperate the person is who is selling them, I am definately NOT going to buy myself one. LOL

Hliza said...

Lux, I think I'll go for the boobs.. just to make the hubby go crazy by the look of it!

X. Dell said...

Hysterical. As a guy, I would feel somewhat cheated had I found out that my date had a false bottom. Is there any truth in advertising, these days?

I would figure that such a prosthesis would help you sit comfortably on many an uncomfortable surface. I could think of a thousand and one uses for just such a product (none of them practical).

Hannelie said...

LOL LOL LOL, Oh Lux, this is just so funny and they way you wrote it I could just see and hear it all.

Fake butt, well I'll be damned.

Tab said...

LOL....a fake butt!??
Cool.
Thanks for sharing~

kate said...

OMG OMG OMG... do let me know how it works out for ya! hehehhe I was just saying today that I thought I was having a bit of sagging in that area myself... I think I need the total body lift at this stage of the game... just a big vaccuum that could suck things north about an inch or so! *wink

Happy Friday