Thursday, December 07, 2006

Me- tamorphosizing

http://sensualuxious.blogspot.com

There's no turning back.


I've finally let go.

After much musing the night before...after much staring into space where diamond sparkles winked one after another at a lone presence seated beneath the heavens...I decided to say goodbye. I said goodbye because I have become a very different person...It frightens and amazes and excites my senses....


So, I walked inside my class for the last time and bid farwell to the children who have been a part of my life for six years. These children who have now grown so much taller than I am...Some, I felt, understood.....Some I know felt like I abandoned them....but how could I explain me.....in words that a child would understand?...There is a season for everything.....is the best I could say...

My decision is firm. I need to be this kind of me I only had in my mind years ago...Like..I feel there is so much of myself undiscovered...untapped....and now....I know I am becoming who I really should be...Like..I was the me I was before..but metamorphosizing into a shape and color so different from what everyone has seen and known....

And people sense this....."you look different".......I've heard them say....

Awhile ago...Brushing my hair in front of the mirror..... this man stares at my reflection from behind.... "You look like a woman," he said...

"Heaven's... and what have I been before if I were not a woman in your eyes eh!?"..I insidously asked.....

"What I mean is...you look complete....the older you get..the more beautiful you become in my eyes.....it scares me sometimes"....he answers back

I didn't know what to say to that..so I just smiled.....

Maybe, I'm finally accepting me...and believing in me....Believeing that I can do what I dream of doing..I can actually succeed...I can actually......just...just...oh' god....be the me ..I have in my dreams of me...


(Dreamy pics: http//sensualuxious.blogspot.com)

12 comments:

SJ said...

Goodbyes can be tough at times. Good luck with whatever you are going to do next.

Sue said...

I know that must have be a hard decision - good luck in your new ventures!

schaumi said...

I know that was a hard decision, but I think it was the right one for YOU.
You are a brave one, lux. It's always safer to stay with what you know. I wish you the very best of luck in your new endeavor.
..and..
...what a lovely thing for a husband to say to a wife..

Mayden's Voyage said...

Your husbands words...such beauty-
He sees you better than you see yourself-

I so admire you- you made the right decision.

I have to get ready to meet a friend...it's late, but it's the only time we have- and it's important, as you know so well.
Hugs to you from me :)

LADY LUXIE said...

hello there everyone:

sorry I haven't been good with comments lately...but it's nice to see you all here.

Mayden: have fun!..tell me about it..I hope I make the right decisions...lately it seems things have been pretty heavy..

Schaumi: I'm not good with change. I resistchange..but I know my time has come to try build my own school..and I think this is the path towards it..

sue: thank you! :->

SJ: what can I say..but thanks man!:_>

Hliza said...

Good luck! The most important thing is this is what you want, your heart desires!

cityfarmer said...

If you have this much peace, it is right.

X. Dell said...

(1) I'm having problems getting to the pics website.

(2) We all change, or grow, through various portions of our lives, but in a crucial way stay the same. My only wish is that you like what you become. If you don't, become something else.

schaumi said...

yeah, if you find the shoe don't fit, change it..

x.dell, you can link to her photos from my site.

luxie, x. is right, your link to your photos doesn't work.

JohnB said...

I have a theory Luxie...and that is we are who we are at the core, only that life seems to strip us clean of those veneers put their by others or ourselves as time continues its ever-forward march, with cold relentless nuetrality...what we are left with is our essence, and maybe that is the metamorphisis you recognize...

LADY LUXIE said...

X: gosh'..I'm really terrible with links...but what you said there..struck deep..I needed so desperately to hear that..if I don't like what I become..then change...

how profound..I'll never forget that..thank you...and the bibingka..I'll get back to you on that...

Schaumi: I bought a new pair of boots!! yeaah!..

John:..maybe..maybe...maybe that's what I recognize..I hope to someday be able to face me and say this is the me that I know is the essence of me...

infinitesimal said...

cool