Friday, March 23, 2007

Been sometime..since...

"Raining in Paradise"
- by: LUXIE dee' doo'

No..no...ain't raining here or anywhere I know of..just a dripping faucet..( tip tap tip tap irritating drippy driip...) And at last I was able to retrieve some of me' work from the other computer...grand...

Last night Hubzzy and I had a pleasant dinner at "Serye"...then coffee at Seattle's Best...I had a lovely evening..talked some..laughed some..smiled some...I looked nice..He looked nice...said he was stressed out but he looked really good to my sight....

Things are getting back into the groove for me...the "me" groove I mean..The feeling of I can make things happen...the feeling of I want to write out plans....The feeling of things are going to great...they're back..

It's been a while since I've been able to feel..settled...kinda' lost a bit of confidence...I dunno' if that's the word...confidence...seems not..but for lack of a better term then I'll just call it that....

Am' not trying to be ultra dramatic here..hell no...just want to say that maybe i still need a little time to be with just me before I immerse my world on other people.....been in sort of incognito since the year stared..not weird hiding...just...wanting to be alone...like...you know that story of Jacob when he wrestled with an angel...that's how it is right now...just me wresting with me...like one side of me wants the other to face him/her...like..I just need to find whatever it is inside of me that makes me ..just me...Am' not in ego mode...On the contrary..just pining to discover what I'm made of...search...


I think I've changed..big time..but nobody knows...They see me still looking like me...well maybe...I gained a few pounds but I like it...filled up my cheeks...What was I saying?...Oh'..yeah..change..the change in me....Feel like I've grown up...feel like I'm ready for a milestone...feel like I'm about ready for something new...

Been sometime since I've felt really good inside....since I've been able to laugh without reserve...

Been sometime since I've felt free...

nobody's imprisoned me...but I feel like something in me is binding myself...

somehow though..I'm feeling rusted shackles.... coming loose...

9 comments:

X. Dell said...

Sounds as though you've worked through a few things. Good for you.

I wonder if there are any coffeeshops named 'Seattle's Best' in Seattle.

foam said...

we sometimes buy 'seattle's best' coffee..
but never mind that.
that's great that you were able to retrieve some files from your computer...whew..
i know what you feel about having changed..
i feel that i've changed too.
..and i'm glad you are back into your
groove..the unshackeled, not bound by rusty chains groove..

Mr. Althouse said...

I get that. I totally understand. Sometimes I feel like I have to regroup... that there is no way forward and even worse, no way back. And then it gets better.

Mike

the.red.mantissa said...

ahhh - i see you wrestle with angels too?

i can identify with that. and also with that the thing which 'binds' us just being .... our self?

the energy of impending change, progression. growth ... swirls all around the blogosphere, of late.

Mayden's Voyage said...

I understand every single thing you wrote here-
every single thing...

I'm writing other places more- alone in my note books and journals, and at my desk- writing to other people who I know are suffering.

But I'm alone.
And I need it~

I'm loved-
And I KNOW it.

I'm blessed-
I must acknowledge that.

I'm Alone...
And it's ok, it's good, it's right.

Miss you though...I read all of your last posts-
and I want to read them again~
:)

Bardouble29 said...

Change can be a very liberating feeling. And you are the only one that needs to feel or see the change. There is nothing wrong with hiding from the world for a few days. Its ok to be selfish with yourself for a few days. Its renews your inner strength and calm.

HLiza said...

Haven't been here for a while..so sorry Lux! Glad that things have changed in a positive way for you dear..you sound so happy inside too..

JR's Thumbprints said...

I have these very same types of feelings every spring. I believe it has to do with the change of seasons, the sense of being reenergized by the warm weather, by the sun.

LADY LUXIE said...

ello'..ello'...love that you're all here!!...Seattle's Best is owned by Starbucks over here...but their coffee is more expensive...

I gotta' sleep now...I'll drop by your bloggy' homes tomorrow...Hliza..I had a dream about you..