Friday, February 22, 2008

My One Brave Thing ( revised )

It is always hard to admit the truth. Difficult would be a better word I suppose. Yes, both hard and difficult because I am stubborn. However, I have this deep acceptance that I have willingly and actively participated in the creation of what I have and what I am right now. Therefore, it is safe for me to assume that the opinions I have formulated about myself, are to some degree, accurate. I cannot fool me.

I know I am shy. Too shy. A shyness that is so comfortably nesting deep within my heart....A little girl shyness that refuses to let itself out behind its glass curtain wall. Others don't see this shyness I possess. My bubbliness when among friends, my silly laugh and my candor are infectious they say. When I stand before people to teach - I am up to the task. I perform...splendidly even. But...get me alone and shyness will show itself. It shows in many different odd ways that hinder my happiness.

Perhaps my shyness stems from fear. I may not know what kind...but I know fear. Like a kings ransom, I carry it.

This past week though I did something brave. Something for myself that needed to be done and I did it. I'm happy.

And so this afternoon, I have decided that after all that needs to be done is good and done, I shall wear my favorite jeans, put on a pretty shirt, pack my little computer and go to my favorite Starbuck's.... alone. There in a snuggly corner I shall write out a list of things that I haven't done because I am shy. And because I cuddle fear.

I promise myself to do one brave thing each day. Just one brave thing believe me. It could even be as simple as smiling at a passing stranger, or saying thank you while looking into someones eyes...

One small brave thing.....each day.

This is all I ask of me..


X. Dell said...

Facing one's self is almost the hardest thing to do, whether the truth is harsh or pleasant. Many people aren't that self-aware for a reason. It's sometimes difficult, or hard, to accept the consequences of one's actions and thoughts.

If you were able to make that list, I'd say you're one up on us, even if you had to go to a Starbucks to do it.

The Troll said...

Whatever you can do. Or dream you can do. Begin it. Begin it now. Boldness has a power...

From the book of half-remembered Goethe poems.

mirror~me said...

realising ur own fear is hard enuf for some...admitting it, is downrite scary...& u my dear, you're on d rite path! ;p
hapi weekend dahling!

ThursdayNext said...

I am happy to hear that you decided to overcome this fear and go drink some coffee and write; I hope you have a lovely weekend and congratulate yourself for being courageous...

Amber said...

I loved this post, Luxie, and I can relate. People never think I'm shy...they think I'm a major extrovert. And I am extroverted, but I'm also a little shy. I completely understand where you're coming from.

foam said...

yes, i understand the shyness..
it also emanates through me.

it's seems you've already conquered many of your fears or shynesses..

and i commend you for facing the others.


piktor said...

Aren't you afraid you will turn into an extrovert? I would dread that more than shyness.

The extrovert depends on outside reality the introvert depends on inner reality. The extrovert might by right and might be wrong. Wrong most of the time.

The introvert is always right most of the time.

Rose said...

Sorry this so long, but I draw inspiration from it, and thought you might, too:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

Mayden' s Voyage said...

I read Marianne's book years and years ago- but I had forgotten.
I needed the reminder.
I also need to confess my own fears. My fear of being rejected.
My fear of not being loved because of a single flaw.
My fear of never being "enough"- in so many ways- it baffles the mind.
When you said you "perform"- I knew exactly what you meant.
Lately I have been trying to be more open to touch. Not just hugging as a form of greeting- but taking it seriously- and not closing myself off to what it really means to embrace another human.
Last night I hugged a friend, the sister of my best friend who is very ill with tumors in her body.
I felt (really felt) how warm she was in the contrast of death- which is the sentence that has been handed to her.
I made her laugh when I was there by telling her stories I wouldn't tell another soul- and I heard (really heard) a joyful sound- and surely that- the joy, the laughter, the beauty of being happy- that can not cease- can it?

What a mixed evening it was- of light and dark...of joy and pain. Of the earthly, as well as the spiritual- all in that little hospital room- with me, my best friend, and her sister.

Why did all of this spill out here Luxie? It must be because I have no fears with you...
it is a gift.
Hugs- I hope your day is as beautiful as you are~

Lydia said...

Hello Luxie, I do think it's great that your facing what your trying to understand about yourself. The best way to tackle it is the way your going about it, such as wrighting a list and doing just one small thing a day. I should actually do the same. I too am very shy. It gets bothersome to me at times, cause many times I base my decisions by my fears.

Lorena said...

hope this is going well for you. i once bought a notepad that said specifically, "do one thing each day that scares you" in hopes of inspiration.

exskindiver said...

can you tell me what brave thing you did?
post it?
email it?
i need to be inspired!