It is always hard to admit the truth. Difficult would be a better word I suppose. Yes, both hard and difficult because I am stubborn. However, I have this deep acceptance that I have willingly and actively participated in the creation of what I have and what I am right now. Therefore, it is safe for me to assume that the opinions I have formulated about myself, are to some degree, accurate. I cannot fool me.
I know I am shy. Too shy. A shyness that is so comfortably nesting deep within my heart....A little girl shyness that refuses to let itself out behind its glass curtain wall. Others don't see this shyness I possess. My bubbliness when among friends, my silly laugh and my candor are infectious they say. When I stand before people to teach - I am up to the task. I perform...splendidly even. But...get me alone and shyness will show itself. It shows in many different odd ways that hinder my happiness.
Perhaps my shyness stems from fear. I may not know what kind...but I know fear. Like a kings ransom, I carry it.
This past week though I did something brave. Something for myself that needed to be done and I did it. I'm happy.
And so this afternoon, I have decided that after all that needs to be done is good and done, I shall wear my favorite jeans, put on a pretty shirt, pack my little computer and go to my favorite Starbuck's.... alone. There in a snuggly corner I shall write out a list of things that I haven't done because I am shy. And because I cuddle fear.
I promise myself to do one brave thing each day. Just one brave thing believe me. It could even be as simple as smiling at a passing stranger, or saying thank you while looking into someones eyes...
One small brave thing.....each day.
This is all I ask of me..