Prism's Place

As the sun slowly creeps in from the horizon to bask my room in blue, I breath in this moment to welcome you to my new site.

Not quite done yet though, but getting there. Do join me. Thank you.

The new blog: www.prismlives.blogspot.com


The Navigation Website: www.allaboutprism.blogspot.com

Uncertainties

Dear everyone,

Luxie will not be around for some time. She doesn't know how long she will be gone..perhaps a few days, perhaps a week, perhaps two....worst case - a month. Honestly, Luxie doesn't know if she will be back...as Luxie, that is. Everything is uncertain at this point.

The hand behind the Lady is thinking and considering a few major things. Perhaps this persona has ran its course and needs to go move to cyber isle for retirement? Perhaps the lady just needs a vacation? Perhaps she needs to do taekwondo? ( kidding).....Perhaps.....perhaps.....perhaps....it is time for a new name.

Whatever may....Lady Luxie would like to say that she has enjoyed her little bit of home here...her little bit of space..her little bit of revelations...and all the friendships that have been cultivated. She leaves with a heavy heart hoping she would decide to come back...

But Luxie knows that there are seasons for everything and that change, though painful at times, must be adapted. The Lady Luxie accepts all these.

Somehow she hopes that she has touched your heart in one way or some...and that somehow her presence has counted for something.

Lady Luxie treasures you all...and if there ever was, in any way, a time when she has offended...know that she never meant it to be so....

Take care everyone.

Love,

the lady behind Luxie

The Way Of The Dodo!

Not only is it my wedding anniv today ( thanks for the greets down below folks!) buuut...I just found out that today happens to be...EARTH DAY!! Yaaaaay!!!! Whoohoooo!!! Oh' yeah'..so here I am in my most "Earthlander" attire so fitting for this occasion :))

To be honest, I never really gave much thought about the earth thingy' celebrations or cared even an iota enough for global warming talks or environmental concerns. I clean my backyard. I don't burn leaves ( like my neighbor's doooooo.....hrmph....not even considering that there's a law against it..but who knows anything about the law anyway eh?). I don't pollute or throw trash just about anywhere.

Hey' really..I'm guiltless!.....

Uuuuh'... just don't peek underneath my sink where I keep mounds of plastic soda containers and plastic grocery bags that will surely, without a doubt, find their way soon enough into our gut wrenching stinking overused landfills wheeeeeere..... the poorest of our urban poor clamor to rummage through the contents of Manila's garbage.

Oh' and a couple of my aerosol fresheners don't count. What's two anyway eh??

It's real nice though watching the "green" people talk their stuff, I empathize enough. It's even more interesting to see clips of "Greenpeace" folksies and some other earthy geeky people sometimes being hauled by the police for"disturbing the peace" I suppose. Why just a few days ago, I even watched ( local news TV) three smashin' sexy hot lettuce wearing ladies ( a Filipina, a Canadian , and an American), all members of PETA ( People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) being shooed by the cops ( to the dazed amusement of the watching throng) who all looked totally like "lost" and not so sure how to handle three super scantily attired posing pretty ladies in veggie bikinis all smiles while shouting about going vegan..ha!ha!ha!ha!hee!hee!.

And we are barraged by reminders to conserve..conserve..recycle..recycle..I know that already... As far as my subconscious is concerned.

Then I saw THEM! I was sooo just moved and just...really heartbroken. SEALS. Seals in Alaska struggling for "iceberg space". Where did all the icebergs go??? Which reminded me of dolphins...our own dolphins over here.

You see, a few years back we went to this pretty island...and on the way there a school of dolphins started cruising beside our boat after which, they all but proceeded to somersault...awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then suddenly from nowhere...we saw garbage...g.a.r.b.a.g.e. in the open seas!!!! Opeeen seeeeaaas!!! Can you believe that??...

And those poor dolphins had to swim through the floating debris of sandwich wraps and soda cans ( I distinctly remember the Pepsi can) and so much...just so much more unbelievable.... muck. We can only surmise that the garbage came from the surrounding islands. All resorts. Definitely, it was resort garbage.

The cheery boatload of locals and foreign tourists all fell silent. We just stared and stared and stared...at the poor dolphins. I think in some way......we all were collectively upset and sad and maybe...yes, felt a tinge guilty......even if it wasn't our garbage and didn't have anything to do with it. I feel sad right now thinking of this. Makes me feel like we're heading the way of the Dodo.

And for the first time I'm contemplating...the way things are going right now...if we all don't do something...the smallest something...if I don't do my smallest something...we all will become like those poor seals...struggling and begging for space.......in a plundered murdered world that has lost all its dignified human semblance of a breathing..... living..... habitable earth.

Double Celebrations!

While rummaging in my closet last night for a book I could only vaguely remember putting there, I unexpectedly found an old diary of mine from ten years ago.

Pleasantly surprised and totally curious, I flipped through the crispy black lined pages and was, in an instant, oddly led to March 12, 1998. This is what I scraggly scribbled a few days after turning 30.

- Success for me is the ability, or my ability to live each day positively. I have dreams and goals and ideas of what I'd like to be 20, 30, 50 years from now. However, what I would label success to be is to live each day joyfully, positively and actively. I would think a day successful when I have been able to do all my responsibilities at home..from taking care of my children, to taking care of husbands needs, to taking care of my home and at the same time, having enough qualiy time with myself.

Success would be my ability to be calm in the course of pursuing each day, not yelling or even thinking negative thoughts specially about family and friends. Being able to give inspiration and compassion towards each person I meet would be a remarkable area of success for me. Getting organized and disciplined enough to do the things I truly love to do like reading, or writing, or planting, or even praying...would make me a success in my own eyes. -

Reading this came as a jolt of surprise for me, especially considering that today, April 21 is Hubbzy's birthday and tomorrow, the 22nd is our 20th year of being together and 19 years of being married.


This entry ten years ago was written by quite a young me. Honestly, I am amused. Amused to find, that in a general sort of way, this is how my days have been...but not always so...And this is how I am...but not quite so....so much has happened in between.

The sheer innocence of how I wrote this..the conviction and the simplicity of it all hit me full blast...and I smiled at the memory of a long time ago...because in the flurry of days and the riot of responsibility( ies) and the hunt for needing things I have somehow forgotten really...what success.... real success truly meant for me.

My friend Mel

Sunny streaked windy day my part of the world and the mango tree outside my bedroom window is swaying funny to the tune. Pweeetty!

My mind is on a boat though. I mean, I'm thinking of a boat. Not a cruise boat..no...I'm not going on any...Not a speedboat no...haven't ridden on one...Just thinking of an ordinary boat bubbing along in the sea...pushed here and there by the kind of wind I feel right now....swirling..circling..bending over on one side then the other...seemingly out of control one moment then gently gliding the next. I am that boat.

Everything about me is just floooooating. Happy one moment, weepy the instant next, angry a second over, puzzled the minute after, loving the next and apathetic afterwards. I am a nuclear barrel of sizzling emotions. Okay....nuclear is a bit over the top...I'm sticking to " I am a boat " twirling in a whirpool made just for me. Come to think ov' it..I am the whirpool too!

But this morning my yoga instructor was just so wonderful. Oh' gawd' how I admire women who have had years of resiliency and just a whole load of discipline to shape themselves. This lady is powerful I tell you. Her buttocks are firm and not a darn thing is swinging from under her arms...shucks'...

Well this morning she made us do half an our of "tribal dance" that incorporated cha cha (?) and a whole lot of arm swaying and hip grinding and feet moves. For the first time ever I actually...was able to follow somebody's dance steps!YAY! This was followed by yoga poses which stretched me to a twang. Slow mindful breathing and a moment of meditation ended the program.

I felt so light hearted and positive on my way home. For once I was able to appreciate the prettiness of my neighborhood again...the cute houses and lushness of trees..the quaint peaceful newly renovated - so zen like - Catholic church which is always open to anyone who would like to have a sense of quiet...the chirping birdies saying hello to me...then the welcome bark of my poodle and the smile of little yellow flowers sitting on my window sill. Sigh.

There's lots to do I know, and once in a while this little heavy thug in my heart pulls me back to melancholy. Have no idea where "mel" is coming from but I'll just let it be. Later in the afternoon ( after the ping pong table arrives - Hubz bought one) I'll take a nice walk around the community park. I'll bring "mel" with me....then maybe it'll find the park pretty enough to be left off there...

swinging perhaps, on the biggest acacia tree.

My Inner Ducky

I'm tired and fog brained. My eyes are blurry too!! Yes, I know I need to have them checked again, but of course, typical me, I've been putting it off for the next day and the next. Sigh.

You know, with both boys out of school now, it seems like all I do is cook for most of the entire whole day. I like doing it though. Just a little momsie pampering from me. Right now they're digging into a pile of pancakes I just made. This whole house smells of pancakes...I bet the neighbors can smell it too! No syrup though. Sorry about that. Didn't realize we were out. Anchor butter will do.

While I was doing my pancake thing in the kitchen, I recalled something I read in my mail the night before. It was from Trishia, a former student of mine who just recently graduated from high school. I was her teacher for four long years.

Trisha is going to the United States. She will be our representative in the ACE National Student Convention to be held there. This convention is actually a competition amongst chosen students from around the globe vying for medals in the categories of music, arts, sports, spelling, literature, speech, history....you name it. Kinda' like a mini- Olympics. My student is a classical piano player. She is really good and will compete under the category of music.

I am so pleased and happy for this young lady. Even happier that she thoughtfully took the time to write saying that she misses me ( aaaawwww...) and that she remembers everything that I have thought her. Wow!! She thanked me for having helped her those years. Someday she wishes to see me again. Sweet.

Prior to her letter, another student of mine, wrote to me a few weeks back. I remember this lovely girl and how hard times visited her family. With a father who deserted them, clearly she had no choice but to transfer to a nearby public school. I felt so sorry for her because, unfortunately, most public schools here are highly populated and not at all at par with private schools.

Well, I said most because luckily, this particular one she entered was one of the better managed ones and she was properly placed in section one ( honors). This happened a year before I left teaching. In her recent mail, she too thanked me for being instrumental to the honor that she had recently received.

Which brings me to Mayden's post ( click external link) where she threw the question:" What do you want to be remembered for?"

That question really got me thinking.

And I'm writing this because.....well.....there are times I feel like...like...like...ummm'..a duck I suppose....waddling here and there.....quacking....gliding...

And I'm pretty sure there are a few folks out there who wouldn't be bothered to remember me...and a few who would rather not remember me...and the really few who would remember me with a trace of "phew' who....whatever!"

I can't be everyone's fantasy of who, and a perception of how they want me to be. I can't please everyone.

But somehow, through the letters, I felt a tinge validated about the way I've lived my life so far. There will be those who will remember with fondness...forever even I guess. We don't really forget teachers....

As for me...I miss teaching the young. Ultimately, it is they who have truly given generously. It is the youth who have taught me so much about life and about hope.They all continue to teach me....still.

What Mama World Needs

The pie below is a "mushroom and steak pie" from Bag of Beans. It is always served straight from the oven, piping hot and oozing with glory. Funny I remember having a taste of it the day after we watched Sweeney Todd..he! Had Johnny Depp in all his gory in mind when the pie was served. One whiiiiff of this particular pie though and all my fantasized fears went pffffft!

Oh, speaking of Bag of Beans, it has an interesting beverage called "Coffee Alamid". If I'm not mistaken, it is the most expensive and best tasting ( according to published reviews of course..I dunno' really..depends I should say..haven't tasted....yet) brew in the world...costs 300 US dollars per kilo.

This rather interesting coffee comes from a bean (?) found in the droppings of the Philippine Civet ( some sort of nocturnal wild cat I wouldn't wanna' come across with even if it is a high society walking breathing coffee maker...yeeeks!...I can just imagine it asking..."would you like to go Vendi or Grande?"..hee! hee! hee!)

Welp, the beans are filtered, dried under the sun for some days ( I have no idea how long) then roasted for 7 hours. Some swear to the goodness of it all. Know what?...maybe...juuuust maybe I'll try it one of these days....yah!

Snooks..wasn't really going to talk about coffee cats..Dunno' how I got there. I was really thinking of food.

I know I've gained weight..I know I have been indulging..I know also too darn painfully well that we, over here, are having some sort of food crisis. It is not lack of food per se..only everything is becoming wildly expensive..faaast! I was in total shock to find how little three thousand pesos worth of grocery is. I used to have about 7 bags for the same amount just a month ago. Last Saturday I came home with 5!! Shuuuucks'...I didn't even get the expensive stuff like cereals and muesli...no Australian beef..no chicken drumsticks...no ice cream. Five bags good for just a little more than a week...sigh.

And rice...wow'..rice has skyrocketed! We are experiencing a shortage of rice here and that is soooooo baaaaaad. For us Filipinos, not eating rice is tantamount to not eating anything at all. I luuuv' rice. I cook it in different ways...in fact I bought a kilo of brown organic which I intend to saute' with chicken and carrots and raisins...I can live on rice and roasted tomatoes and still be completely happy. This whole world rice shortage is not good at all.

You know, if you're holding a sandwich right now..pizza...fries...chips...anything at all that is edible..just smile and whisper a silent "thank you". That's some sort of a good vibes whisper to the Universe...

maybe...it's just hurting... this world we live in...

maybe it wants to be noticed..appreciated....and um'....a thank you from everyone who is about to bite onto something delicious could be just the healing soothing prayer this exhausted Mama World needs.

* Collage Rice Photo
* Other Photo: Adobo ( cooked it me'self)

Mind Sweep

Just sitting here being totally contemplative surrounded by papers and folders and receipts...cool! Tax season brings the "zen" out in me...my mind wanders and flutters the way a butterfly would..

Hey, didn't somebody sometime ago say something about a butterfly's wings causing a tsunami?!..Chaos theory I think that's called.Wheeew'...glad I'm no butterfly!...Gawd' just think if I had wings. Yah! If I had wings I'd flutter on to Foamy's porch coz' you, Lady Foamy, have got to taste this pie!!

Aw' shucks....I wanted to write something..well.."intelligent"...okay..."smart" sounding. Was planning to expertly cluck about how I am so into mindfulness and that I really am grounded into finding "IT"..Kinda' like the "it" that means an.."it" phase (??). Its not happening...this "it" soliloquy that I had a while ago...Something inside of me ( let's call it the divine "Luxie Force" ) is telling me to cut the crap and just say "it" as "it" is.

O-k.

Thing is, I've been thinking ( yaiiks!) like..in the middle of this swarm of bond papers I've had a realization that...maybe some.....things....people...situations....some old way of thinking....some old faded belief...even an old pair of shirt have to be let go...set free. I have this thing about clinging. I do it to a lot of things.....even routine.

This is as far as I can say about this, aside from, well..it's like I'm opening up my chest as well as my brains and just reaching in...sorting through the pile and clutter and throwing out unnecessary memories and heartaches and limiting thoughts...rearranging everything else in neat sorted files...much like these files I have in front of me. The resulting outcome would be...space...clean space.

Hmm' I think I like the idea of open space....blue space...

There are a lot of changes transpiring in my life...I think if I just take a moment of de - cluttering soul silence..there will be a wider span of space for a whole lot more of this pretty changes to come.

Monday Blogger Meet

Fantastic! Fantastic!

How else can I describe the past days that have transpired!? Absolutely significantly fantastic!

Yes, the trip to the beach was sooo cool! Buut..I haven't uploaded the pics just yet so that would have to wait for a while...tsk! However, what was even more fantastic was having met this wonderful multi - talented blogger, writer and counselor, Cathy of "Cathy By The Sea" ( links to follow later)..clap!...clap!..clap!!!

I was a little bit "shy" ( nye' he!he!he!) at first, but sensing how just true a person she is set me totally at ease...just like meeting an old friend you haven't seen for a while.

Thanks...thanks..thanks.. Cathy for the beautiful time last Monday!

And to all of you..have a wonderful day..whatever day fate may have brought you here...mwah!

Have fun!

Bliss By The Sea

I'm excited!

Tomorrow we will take a two hour drive to take a peek' at a splashing slice of our dream. There will be fresh sea breeze, the happy lilting burrs of waves, warm fuzzy tickling sand all over our toes...

Bliss! bliss! bliss!

Just a moment ago I was thinking how I miss the sound of the sea in so much the same way I miss my old long lost friends. I can't wait to get there!

I'll be thinking of you all at that exact moment I wave to the waves!

Happy weekend everyone!

...and thank you for the warm comments on my post below :)

Milestones

I have mixed feelings looking at these pictures. For most part I am brimming with joy and wonderment in realizing that Hubz and I have crossed an even more significant milestone with the graduation of our youngest son. On the other hand, these pictures plant a small dot of whimsy sadness too. I have no babies anymore. They have grown up obviously. I miss my little boys.

Nobody who knows me knows what I'm going through as a mother. I am having a very very very difficult time inside of me just accepting the fact that I am not as depended on as I used to be.
Oh' yes, I am needed, but no longer in the same manner that I was when they were really young. If you are a parent who has sat through the high school or college graduation of your youngest child, you would know what I mean.

This turning point of my life is difficult emotionally not only for me but for my husband as well....even if he doesn't voice it. However, it has made us melt tighter to each other in the evenings, and has made us hold hands with as much tenderness as we cam muster. Sometimes it feels like..... just.... seeing each other again..really seeing each other.

I know we both wish a magic mantra would appear each morning in our consciousness, just wisely telling us our personal step by steps to take to make sure the succeeding days and years that these children are still living us will be perfect.

You see, I need a guarantee that everything will be OK. I need a guarantee that they will finish their college education, get a high paying job, see the world, find a beautiful kindhearted girl who will take care of them and love them. I need a guarantee that they will be genuinely happy.

The thing is there are never any guarantees. Were there ever any in my life? Anything can happen. This is why the heaviest whisper of prayer I always breath is for them to find their inner strength...for them to find their own selves within..for them to find their genuine divineness...to find the seat of God that resides inside of them. If I could only journey this path of discovery for each child of mine I would. But I can't. They have to do this by themselves. I have to let go. I have to trust.

When I look at them..talk to them...it shocks me at certain times to find me speaking back...I find atoms of me in them...it astounds, amazes, and even scares me sometimes.

And yet, they are so different....just different people...different in everything...different souls...So different that it drives me to consider without a doubt the validity of one God.

Funny when they were just babies I had this idea about how they would be like when they reach this age. As children grow up, you soon realize the fact that they are their own people....their own selves. My boys are...not my own....they came from me.....but yet..they came from somewhere..somewhere...somewhere....beautiful....They came from the keeper of souls..the breather of life...And to think that I have been entrusted with these lives...just gives me an overwhelming sense of gratefulness..and humbleness.



I am so just aware of the challenges facing us. I'm cool - he's cool. In fact, he was cool last night when our oldest son came home with his left ear pierced and silver studded...ha! ha! ha! We've been through rough and survived...ye' We are never alone.

It's still a jolly good feel though' to be told we are "young parents" hee! hee!

Oh'....gosh...perhaps I need a support group...The college years of these kids will be very very crucial times. Our oldest has about two years more to go, the youngest starts this June. I know I need to be cool..and strong.and just be level headed. Preaching and sermons are so passe'....sometimes I can't help it. I hate drama, specially when it comes from me.

And yes, though there are times I wish I could have been better...more mature..more prepared..more understanding..more..more..more of this and that...really..all the mores I wish for won't matter anymore...I'd like to think that I did the best I could considering how young I was when I had them. They've never broken my heart..I've never been called to school for anything wrong they've done..ever. I thank them for that.

Their dad is great. They're lucky.

So in hindsight, I have a treasure chest of blessings..I only have to i look into our future with hope, strength, encouragement and yes, gratitude.

Love Given

Model Unit: The Georgia Club
Cost: 11 million pesos ( conversion: 42 pesos - so s0- to a dollar)
note: I am not a real estate broker..took this shot when we went property hunting..but by golly' this house is so gorgeous...has wrap around porch and pool behind.

-------------

I may have been whinny' about the girl-friend but I am not stone cold unforgiving. So awhile ago I gave her a call to check if she received what I sent her yesterday. Apparently, she did. Chitty-chat chitty chat a bit then I had to go.

I feel relieved. At least I did something nice for someone - only next time I better muster the gall to say "no " if I don't want to give in to a favor after all. Beats saying "yes" then going crap over how I feel I'd been had. It is just unfair to her or anyone else. Even more so to me. Kinda' like lying.

I can't waste minute of my life getting gunked about someone or something when I practically have deciding power over a given situation. Lame. Didn't I say somewhere back that I would only do for a day what I "want" to do?

Ho ho..ya'....
My blog is my conscience. I write something, read it a month or so after and it smacks me right on the face.

"Whoa'..I said that?..I would do what?! "

A shadow that keeps me grounded and real my space is.

Speaking of real, early this morning Hubz and I went out with my youngest son, "K". Graduation rites are set for Monday but a 2008 baccalaureate service was hosted by their school this morning. Since K is in the graduating class, it was imperative that we be there.

Am I thankful we "both" ( emphasis on the both) took time for this! I just felt so sorry for the sad kids whose parents weren't available for whatever reason. It meant so much for the students that their moms and dads be together there. Even those with one parent in attendance wished wistfully for both. For some it really wasn't possible. Separated. Single parents. Unresolved issues. Overseas Workers. It got emotional at one point.

Anyway, halfway through the service I stole a glance at him (Hubz) and noticed how he seemed to be so seriously engrossed with the sermon.

"He must be so just agreeing with everything...just internalizing the meaning of this moment," my mind said.

Brought my straying self back on focus and caught up on something about firm foundations and obedience and love. Definitely, graduation moving on talk.

A moment after, Hubz gently inches himself over to me real close, takes my hand, and bows down.

"My gosh' he must be so just emotional that his son is graduating on Monday...He is so sensitive I know," my mind gushes.

I squeeze his hand, snuggle a centimeter closer and look at him with this 7th heaven "oh' honey time flies our baby is all grown up" look on my face. He returns my gaze smiles and mutters "firm foundation....."

Then he smiles again..and smiles again..and smiles again...kinda' evil.

Uhuh???

I smile back kinda' puzzled thinking how he must be relating the foundation of our family to what the speaker was saying....How we've built from scratch..How we dug deep into the core till we found the rock of rocks and started pouring cement of love..and so how we are unlike the dumb dude' in the Bible who built on sand...like duh'...surely he should have known when waves come a' crashin' it would flip flop his fortress....ain't rocket science...And how sand guy must learn a lot from us cause we rock yah'..we built our home on firm foundation..we are love engineers and we are so looking to the bright future of this foundation..... and ya' someday our kids will learn from our holy example... and...a path will open and light will....

"We had fun last night ey!?" the devil whispers into my ear somewhere between obedience and discipleship.

I bow even more fervently and with my eyes closed hissed "stop it."

He bows even mooooore reverentially, looks at me and proceeds to extrapolate the rudiments of obedience and foundations according to his understanding based from last nights um'.....service.

It was a chorus of "amens" that exorcised the heaving giggles out of me. I have this pinch of a hunch the couples behind us must have been thinking how "moved" we were by the ceremony....he!

So the kids went on stage one after another and yes...I am so proud of my boy who, I have found out, is quite popular (!) He gave a quick cute very wonderful impromptu speech about how .....

" we mostly ignore the real heroes of our lives....and you both are my heroes..."
I didn't cry...I was just really happy.

And when I think..really crazy pure think and consider all that I have...really.....what right do I still possess to complain? What right do I still have to whine and fret and demand of others? What insane right do I have to question the trivialities of the days I have been given? What right do I have to look at what others may have and question "why not me?"....why don't I have that?...I deserve that...I'd look good in that....I want that!!!!!! Fool.

Surely I know..I am not a dent rich in gold....but honestly the inside me never gave a care for gold...( or silver or bronze or anything that can be pawned) I like...shucks'.....I like pucca shells! I never gave hoot for Havaianas. I like walking barefoot in the sand...I never gave hoot for mansions....I like cool wooden floors and breezy swaying palms peeking through my windows...I don't need designer camisoles...I'll wear him in the evenings.

With this ( long) thought I bid you all a good happy weekend.

May we all see the spirit of happiness that surrounds us. It may not be that obvious..and sometimes..yes it cruelly hides. I know for a fact that some of us are alone...people have left...and now you're feeling hopeless...you want to die...
Some of us have been swindled by a lover....he isn't coming back....
Some of us have miscarried....you're never having a baby again..ever...
Some of us have lost jobs...you owe..big time...

Some of us..are just sad...
for some mysterious unfounded undiscovered reason....
just sad.

I don't have answers only..a phrase..

"hang on"....

just hang on..one more minute..one more hour...one more day...just hang on...for how long it takes..just hang on....

And somehow...with even just a little little little little hope...smile for yourself...just for yourself..
and say I love you....even if there's no one to say it to...there is you...say I love you to you.....that's enough...

it's enough..

because love given..
returns

See you mid next week...
bye...

Luv'..Luxie doo'....

Pro Bono - Por Pabor!

Sitting here with a mug of strong scalding hot black coffee, I can't help but wonder about certain ladies in my life who call themselves "my friend." How can I help it..thinking this way..when I am now faced with a writing task deftly passed to me last night in the middle of frying ham. I couldn't say "no." Well, I could have I guess, but she sounded desperate and so in need. How can I refuse a "friend" in "need" tell me.

Then again this isn't the first time she has asked for a similar favor. I've always gladly obliged. In fact,I've always gladly obliged to the lot of them asking for favors like this. I've done their power packed "I am the corporate hero you need resumes." I've done their marketing brochures. I've done their client proposals. I've edited and written letters in behalf of them to foreign employers. And yes, I am proud to say that I have played an instrumental part (as far as documents and coaching is concerned) to the immigration and Canadian citizenship of a friend.

I love my friends.
I take time for them.
I value them.

No friend of mine can ever claim I was less of anything. I'm not perfect. No. But I am very valuable. No, not because I've done what I said I've done for them.
No.

My value cannot be measured by paperwork or words or anything I give. What I give I give because of my own peculiar brand of love. The kind of love only I can give. Search for the same love I dare you! Search for the same smile..Search for the same lunatic laugh!..Search for the same stories...Search for the same drama I can be...Search for the energy that is me... I daaare you!!...

search the oceans..
search the seas...
search the valleys..
ask the trees...

talk to the mountains..
croak with a frog
ask him where can I find a Luxie love?

Do my friends really care for me?!? Huh?....At all???

Who...whoooo has asked me how I am lately? Am I breathing? Am I dead yet? Am I hungry? Am I sad? Am I angry? Do I want a cookie? Eh???. At least a text message saying "I think of you?" - heck' not the forwarded green jokes that float to every name in a phone book. Just me.

Who....................who has done this?!....

?????????????????????????????.....

Ya'..that's who!!

Sigh'...

And soooo?....Yeah' I'm doing it. In fact, I'll do it after this. I'll write the speech ( 3 speeches!... the nerve). I'll send it. I'll get a "thank you friend..you saved my day" kind of thank you. I'll feel happy for you. And then.......that's it girl. That's it.

BlueDream

I have a simple dream. The dream of all my simple dreams. The dream that has been nesting deep within my heart ever since my soul came to be.

Secretly..

There is someone else harboring the same dream. Not telling me about it. Keeping it inside.This dream of his he guards so tight. Inside his mind, he thinks it. His dream.

Blue. Calm. Peace. Waves. Sand. Wet. Wild. Sunshine. Frolic. Stroll. Breeze.Palms.

I got the call yesterday...we will take a look at something, says he.

My dream. His dream. Our dream.

...birthing reality....




Blue dreaming and me...

Teenage Invasion!

Teenagers!

Bushy and I are holed up in the bedroom. A few moments ago a loud throng of teenagers ( with my 16 year old son leading) came knock knocking into my home. Right now they are all ( about 10) lazyingly sprawled in my living room floor giggling, laughing while all the while watching a DVD film ( 300..whoo whoo! ) and munching on Big Macs and fries...Kinda' petrifying really!

I know this is it..shucks'..the official start of summer vacation. Uh' oh'...snooks'..kids will be home for more than a month...what to do....what to do!..More of this hangin' around for them I guess...

But the coming Friday is extra special. This youngest son of mine will be graduating from high school. Graduating...wow'....dig that!? When his dad and I think about this fact, we still get kinda' stunned...and I mean..stunned..stunned. Gosh'..last kid off high school..whew! We are now so officially done with nappies' ( did that in our 20's)...done with museum field trips...done with just about everything most of our peers are still groping into. At 40, we have two boys in college...unbelievable.

I'm relieved honestly. I look at some of my friends who actually still have toddlers and gaaawsh'....sorry man....but really...I mean..I'm just glad there aren't any talks about eating squash or asparagus or carrots in my home anymore. You want pizza? Ok..you got it then... pizza it is.. I am sooo00 not going to argue! Pizza for peace.

Of course, this also means we get more of the "challenges" that have to be seriously seriously seriously dealt with. Reminders about hanging out with the wrong crowd in college, smoking, dope, sex, drinking....the works.

I'm still unsure how...um'...competent I am to deal with all these issues..the changes...the borrowing of the car...the trusting ( oh' shucks' the trusting) that they would make the right choices...I know my kids are basically okay...

wonder if I am.
wonder if I will be.

Mabuhay! ( Long Live! )

A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

A HAPPY JOYFUL AND LOVE FILLED EASTER TO EVERYONE!