My 40 Beginnings

40.

If one thing can be said about numbers darlings, it is that...they too may stand for a word. Take for example, when a woman says 40, that could, in all possibility, mean more than a number. It could be a sigh. It could be a bold declaration of beginnings and the graceful acceptance of endings.

This 3rd day of the 3rd month I begin a new chapter in my life. Excitement pours through my nerves when I think this. The kind of excitement laced with orchid calm. It isn't at all like the gibberish giddiness of when I turned 30.

I feel sort of relieved. The lady that I was when I was 30 seems a ship a far away...but I'm happy for her. She has done well I think. She has kept the most important thing - the heart of a solid home.

She has held captive the heart of a strong good man. She is raising a couple of good strong men. She has taught four year olds their first ABC"S. She has held their little sweet fingers in hers and helped them trace swirls and circles and slants. She has even taught them the Antelope Song.

She has taught teenagers their first taste of Bacon. With essays on travels and friendships, she has shown them how personal value is a foundation to being and self discovery a penchant to breathing.

She has taught adults the hidden intricacies of communication...the secret layers beneath primary sentences that color a person's innermost meaning. She has coached and managed people and in the course, inspired other women to move on.

In spite of what she thinks, she has been brave in many different ways.

This lady has made a lot of things too. She has made meals, and presentations, and sales talks. She has made love, and made fury, and made friends. More than that, she has, quite stunningly, made the most fascinating mistakes as well! Oh' how grand those were!

There are no regrets. She loves..and loves in the meaning of what her love is.

Ah' quite the sentimental journey I will be taking this month of March...

Interesting, when I add up all the numbers that constitute the day and month and year of my birth, everything equals to 30. A number of balance...a number of completeness. This thought makes me smile.

Another quainter thing to note is that..I will always share the same day of celebrating a birthday with this man I love. If my birthday falls on a Monday, so too will his birthday be. Forever. For as long as there are years between us to share. So cool.

I will think of you sweethearts, but I take a bow for now. Just a week away from cybieland...to walk alone and be with some...to think..to write..to watch....to just..be...

Now that I am, in all essence, wonderfully 40.


( Foamy: Thanks for the greet. Yes, I am the "fishy one" ..ha!ha!ha!ha! to your comment...Cheers and a toast to you as well...My boys also fall asleep on the couch..:)

My Friendly Alien Clerk

Cupid and whoever is the power behind April Fools decided to join forces and target me yesterday. Visualizing the horrendous traffic on this particular night, I opted that the whole family just stay home and have pizzas, wine, and of course my chicken celery soup and my home grilled peppered steak with gravy.

I was happy just fixing up the homey' and prepping up everything. My paperwork could wait till the next day I said. Even my little garden was pretty and the mild breezy weather was simply cool and divine. A Valentine day really.

Around three in the afternoon I had everything set and so I took a quick shower, pony tailed my hair, grabbed on a pair of old faded jeans and wore my favorite moss colored cotton shirt.

It was more of a stroll what I did, just admiring the neighborhood gardens as I made my way to the Homeowner's Association Office where I had a bill to settle.

So I get there and this lady clerk looks up to me from her table and I smile my usual smile and say hi. Somehow there's something about her I truly find mildly odd. I can't point out what it is except just a feeling that we give out pleasantries to each other but we couldn't care less really. I could also sense ever since that she was the "nosy" type. You know, the kind who would ask you itzy' questions to find out things in your life. There was, to me, something precisely "bogus" about her.

Well she makes small talk while I write out a check. She inquires a few detailed things about my family and I answered in a friendly way. Then she asked about my boys....their ages..where they study. I was okay with that...handed her the check...asks her to give it a thorough review for errors or anything. Theeeeeen before I could even stop speaking she goes...

"Your husband.....ummmmm'.....he is younger than you eh?....How much younger is he???..."

My lips froze into a twitch. It felt like the whole of me suicidally plunged beneath this icy frozen pond in some yet to be discovered part of Mars!!!

In my mind I was in in freeeeeeeezing country, planet, galaxy..wherever...hell probably... and this deathly foul half alien woman, with her blood shot eyes, her pointed horns, her wicked razor claws was crazily baring her bleeding fangs at me!!! A true creature of the dark who wanted fresh meat and I was dinner!

What do you do in such deathly situation oh' tell meeeh! Spear!..I needed spear!!

"Love thy neighbor," Cupid angelically whispered in one part of my soul. "Here's my arrow of looooove Luxie....you are light...florescent...incandescent.....glooooowing," stupid Cupid continues.

I madly snarled at him hissing, "It isn't an arrow I need idiot!

"I want blood!"...

"I want gut!"..

"I want innards spilling all over this "f^%&ing floooor!!!.......hear meeeeh????!!!!"

Course...in reality, I sat there maintaining my friendly composure with a plastered smile saying,
"Oh' we're pretty much the same age.."

Then she goes on with more idiotic phrases saying how women can look older than husbands because we get to do more unlike them..

I say nothing about this, thanked her for the receipt and walked home broiling in irritation and reeling in twilight. Once home I called up a friend and told her about my encounter of the third kind..Oh' gawd' we talked about great retorts I could have given back...but too late....

Thing is...just the night before I had a moment of silent meditation wherein I asked God to help me be kinder and nicer to people...to live from the inside and not to get strength from superficial sources....

Perhaps this is one way in which the universe is helping me to learn...about loving the unlovable...

Or perhaps to just accept the fact that there will always always always aaalwaaaays be stupid people around...

Idiots abound...

Aliens are among us...

It is the way I see myself that really counts.