Love Given

Model Unit: The Georgia Club
Cost: 11 million pesos ( conversion: 42 pesos - so s0- to a dollar)
note: I am not a real estate broker..took this shot when we went property hunting..but by golly' this house is so gorgeous...has wrap around porch and pool behind.

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I may have been whinny' about the girl-friend but I am not stone cold unforgiving. So awhile ago I gave her a call to check if she received what I sent her yesterday. Apparently, she did. Chitty-chat chitty chat a bit then I had to go.

I feel relieved. At least I did something nice for someone - only next time I better muster the gall to say "no " if I don't want to give in to a favor after all. Beats saying "yes" then going crap over how I feel I'd been had. It is just unfair to her or anyone else. Even more so to me. Kinda' like lying.

I can't waste minute of my life getting gunked about someone or something when I practically have deciding power over a given situation. Lame. Didn't I say somewhere back that I would only do for a day what I "want" to do?

Ho ho..ya'....
My blog is my conscience. I write something, read it a month or so after and it smacks me right on the face.

"Whoa'..I said that?..I would do what?! "

A shadow that keeps me grounded and real my space is.

Speaking of real, early this morning Hubz and I went out with my youngest son, "K". Graduation rites are set for Monday but a 2008 baccalaureate service was hosted by their school this morning. Since K is in the graduating class, it was imperative that we be there.

Am I thankful we "both" ( emphasis on the both) took time for this! I just felt so sorry for the sad kids whose parents weren't available for whatever reason. It meant so much for the students that their moms and dads be together there. Even those with one parent in attendance wished wistfully for both. For some it really wasn't possible. Separated. Single parents. Unresolved issues. Overseas Workers. It got emotional at one point.

Anyway, halfway through the service I stole a glance at him (Hubz) and noticed how he seemed to be so seriously engrossed with the sermon.

"He must be so just agreeing with everything...just internalizing the meaning of this moment," my mind said.

Brought my straying self back on focus and caught up on something about firm foundations and obedience and love. Definitely, graduation moving on talk.

A moment after, Hubz gently inches himself over to me real close, takes my hand, and bows down.

"My gosh' he must be so just emotional that his son is graduating on Monday...He is so sensitive I know," my mind gushes.

I squeeze his hand, snuggle a centimeter closer and look at him with this 7th heaven "oh' honey time flies our baby is all grown up" look on my face. He returns my gaze smiles and mutters "firm foundation....."

Then he smiles again..and smiles again..and smiles again...kinda' evil.

Uhuh???

I smile back kinda' puzzled thinking how he must be relating the foundation of our family to what the speaker was saying....How we've built from scratch..How we dug deep into the core till we found the rock of rocks and started pouring cement of love..and so how we are unlike the dumb dude' in the Bible who built on sand...like duh'...surely he should have known when waves come a' crashin' it would flip flop his fortress....ain't rocket science...And how sand guy must learn a lot from us cause we rock yah'..we built our home on firm foundation..we are love engineers and we are so looking to the bright future of this foundation..... and ya' someday our kids will learn from our holy example... and...a path will open and light will....

"We had fun last night ey!?" the devil whispers into my ear somewhere between obedience and discipleship.

I bow even more fervently and with my eyes closed hissed "stop it."

He bows even mooooore reverentially, looks at me and proceeds to extrapolate the rudiments of obedience and foundations according to his understanding based from last nights um'.....service.

It was a chorus of "amens" that exorcised the heaving giggles out of me. I have this pinch of a hunch the couples behind us must have been thinking how "moved" we were by the ceremony....he!

So the kids went on stage one after another and yes...I am so proud of my boy who, I have found out, is quite popular (!) He gave a quick cute very wonderful impromptu speech about how .....

" we mostly ignore the real heroes of our lives....and you both are my heroes..."
I didn't cry...I was just really happy.

And when I think..really crazy pure think and consider all that I have...really.....what right do I still possess to complain? What right do I still have to whine and fret and demand of others? What insane right do I have to question the trivialities of the days I have been given? What right do I have to look at what others may have and question "why not me?"....why don't I have that?...I deserve that...I'd look good in that....I want that!!!!!! Fool.

Surely I know..I am not a dent rich in gold....but honestly the inside me never gave a care for gold...( or silver or bronze or anything that can be pawned) I like...shucks'.....I like pucca shells! I never gave hoot for Havaianas. I like walking barefoot in the sand...I never gave hoot for mansions....I like cool wooden floors and breezy swaying palms peeking through my windows...I don't need designer camisoles...I'll wear him in the evenings.

With this ( long) thought I bid you all a good happy weekend.

May we all see the spirit of happiness that surrounds us. It may not be that obvious..and sometimes..yes it cruelly hides. I know for a fact that some of us are alone...people have left...and now you're feeling hopeless...you want to die...
Some of us have been swindled by a lover....he isn't coming back....
Some of us have miscarried....you're never having a baby again..ever...
Some of us have lost jobs...you owe..big time...

Some of us..are just sad...
for some mysterious unfounded undiscovered reason....
just sad.

I don't have answers only..a phrase..

"hang on"....

just hang on..one more minute..one more hour...one more day...just hang on...for how long it takes..just hang on....

And somehow...with even just a little little little little hope...smile for yourself...just for yourself..
and say I love you....even if there's no one to say it to...there is you...say I love you to you.....that's enough...

it's enough..

because love given..
returns

See you mid next week...
bye...

Luv'..Luxie doo'....

Pro Bono - Por Pabor!

Sitting here with a mug of strong scalding hot black coffee, I can't help but wonder about certain ladies in my life who call themselves "my friend." How can I help it..thinking this way..when I am now faced with a writing task deftly passed to me last night in the middle of frying ham. I couldn't say "no." Well, I could have I guess, but she sounded desperate and so in need. How can I refuse a "friend" in "need" tell me.

Then again this isn't the first time she has asked for a similar favor. I've always gladly obliged. In fact,I've always gladly obliged to the lot of them asking for favors like this. I've done their power packed "I am the corporate hero you need resumes." I've done their marketing brochures. I've done their client proposals. I've edited and written letters in behalf of them to foreign employers. And yes, I am proud to say that I have played an instrumental part (as far as documents and coaching is concerned) to the immigration and Canadian citizenship of a friend.

I love my friends.
I take time for them.
I value them.

No friend of mine can ever claim I was less of anything. I'm not perfect. No. But I am very valuable. No, not because I've done what I said I've done for them.
No.

My value cannot be measured by paperwork or words or anything I give. What I give I give because of my own peculiar brand of love. The kind of love only I can give. Search for the same love I dare you! Search for the same smile..Search for the same lunatic laugh!..Search for the same stories...Search for the same drama I can be...Search for the energy that is me... I daaare you!!...

search the oceans..
search the seas...
search the valleys..
ask the trees...

talk to the mountains..
croak with a frog
ask him where can I find a Luxie love?

Do my friends really care for me?!? Huh?....At all???

Who...whoooo has asked me how I am lately? Am I breathing? Am I dead yet? Am I hungry? Am I sad? Am I angry? Do I want a cookie? Eh???. At least a text message saying "I think of you?" - heck' not the forwarded green jokes that float to every name in a phone book. Just me.

Who....................who has done this?!....

?????????????????????????????.....

Ya'..that's who!!

Sigh'...

And soooo?....Yeah' I'm doing it. In fact, I'll do it after this. I'll write the speech ( 3 speeches!... the nerve). I'll send it. I'll get a "thank you friend..you saved my day" kind of thank you. I'll feel happy for you. And then.......that's it girl. That's it.

My 20 Valentines

It's Valentine's Day tomorrow and so forgive me for being uber "cooorny" right now. Just that...stumbled on a local Nescafe advertisement that really brings back a particular loverly youthful carefree memory...

I was 20 and so was he...

Course' I didn't look anything like this girl back then.I was really skinny to start with. I was in torn faded jeans and had on a shirt that boldly screamed "Nike". Doubt if I looked anything sexy' but we had bikes..ye'....

I remember biking in the rain...near the bay. I bet I looked freaky ha! ha!. When he reminds me I cringe...embarrassed you could say. Oh' but then how many sweethearts get to really silly run through a downpour huh?. Those were our "who gives a damn days".I think somehow..it still is.

How many valentines have we had since then eh?...So..

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to everyone. This day isn't just for lovers splish splashing.It's an intimate wonderful celebration of being One..being brothers and sisters....being human...and being divine as well. And this Love transcends all borders and boundaries..cultural..religious..language...whatever...

Everybody wants love..Everybody is LOVE...

And to the boy back then who went crazy running in the rain with me, I Love You....and I'd really rather that we have a barbeque dinner at home instead of going out...but bring home a big round of pizza...thin slice..with shrimps on top....and a bottle of wine of course..

You know what I mean ;>

Spread the love everyone..mwah!